Programming Now Resumed

I'm back. It's true. I had debated s**tcanning this whole dumb blog, but I figured it's a nice escape every now and then, and where else can you find such a wonderful combination of neurosis, spite, and glitter?

I've decided to box up 2008, tape it shut, and send it packing so I will not be catching up on all my holiday escapades, but instead looking forward to a successful 2009 starting with....


DETOX


Yup, I'm detoxing the ole' temple. After a heavy partying holiday season, my body feels a bit like a Las Vegas pimp with a coke habit. I just feel dirty. I think my toxicity level hit it's limits sometime between 2:00 am shots of Jagermeister, and a cheeseburger, large fries, two tacos super combo from Jack in the Box. For 2009, the only preservatives I want in my body should be correcting the wrinkles between my brows.

So this past Sunday I cut out all caffeine, alcohol, and am taking the 7-day Rapid Cleanse by Renew Life. I'm also eating all organic, freshly pressed juices, and no red meat.

So how do I feel?

Like s**t.

Seriously, I feel like I have a 24 hour hangover. Headaches, sweats, nausea, fatigue, crabbiness. You would swear that I am a junkie coming off a heroin addiction. I've only got 4 more days of this crap, and I've already cut out the fiber flush part of the cleanse.

Don't ask why. Use your imagination.


FINANCES

Opening my WaMu credit card statement this week sent me into a mini cardiac arrest...sometime between November and January my already lofty APR of 18.9% shot up to 31.9% What the f**k? I could get a loan cheaper from the bookie across the street at Pete's Place. A quick call to customer service revealed that I had been "sent" a letter of the impending rate increase sometime back in August and I had 60 days to opt-out and close my account. Noting that August was the start of cheer and the end of Comic-Con, I'm lucky if I even remembered to pick up my kids from school, let alone open some stupid letter from my credit card company that sends me enough junk mail each week to fulfill a Philatelic fetish.

So long story short, I told them to shove their stupid card up their a**, close all my accounts, and in a fit of fury did this:



I cut up all my credit cards. All of them! It's my plan to get my finances in line for 2009, so forgive me if I am a boring, old, stingy party pooper for the rest of the year.

PROCRASTINATION

Well, I can't completely take credit for this one. Nothing else in the world will give you a reality check like walking into your office after a three week break and finding this on your desk:



Obviously the powers that be were sending me a polite message, which I will now interpret as....

"Stop f**king blogging and get to work!"

Owned.